When I was a small girl, I never felt as if I belonged here. Not in this world, not in this time, not around the people who surrounded me. I was always looking for home which seemed to elude me, something just out of reach. I fell in love with the Chronicles of Narnia because I believed if I just wished hard enough, I could find a door to a place I felt comfortable in.
I was the weird child who talked to rocks and swore they talked back to me. Some wanted to come home with me, some wanted to be moved to other areas or they wanted to stay where they were. Animals would follow me around. Those supposed “vicious” animals would lie down belly up for me to pet them. I was in love with the moon and stars and hated the daylight. I was envious of Kaguya Hime. People were surrounded by music that sounded like voices which no one else heard but me.
Here I am now, an adult, and I am still looking for a place to call home. Someplace still not in this world nor in this time. Every so often I think I can see something there, just in the corner of my eye, just out of reach.
I know I am not the only one who hopes when they open a door it leads to another world. I know I can’t be the only one who feels they don’t belong anywhere they’ve been.
As I was growing up, I had to learn to adapt as I learned early most people didn’t know what to make of me. They pulled their children away from me. Told my mother I couldn’t be the way I was. So I got my hands smacked when I reached for a rock. I was told to hush when I would say something a little “weird”. I learned to conform, to be someone who I wasn’t and didn’t want to be. I learned to fade into the background. I watched, I listened, I observed. I learned I had to be normal if I wanted to be accepted. I learned to be normal if I wanted to make my mother happy.
Now as an adult I really don’t care if I am accepted by the norm. I don’t care what people think of me as I go on my happy way talking to rocks and listening (or trying not) to the music that people emit. I don’t care that I prefer animals over people. I found a place that makes me happy for now and it’s in the world I create around me. I will listen to the ancients, I will dance in the woods, and I will believe there is more out there than we know. I will believe we are made of energy and energy is unending, always changing. I will believe that we are magic and we spread this magic by what we create. I believe we have the ability to bring joy, happiness, comfort, to others or we can bring sadness and destruction. Our intent is what drives creation. What will your intent be?
The universe is a playground to explore, test, create. There is no right or wrong way of doing things as long as the end results are satisfactory. We don’t have to stay as we are. We are meant to grow, progress, and change even if it means becoming what we used to be at a better time. When we learn to be happy within ourselves and not dependent on an outside force for our happiness, we have progressed. When we learn to be our own best friend, we have grown. The only one we have to answer to is ourselves. At the end of the day, only we can answer if we have done the best we could, if we have treated others well, if we have made someone’s day. Are we being the change we want to see around us? Are you taking moments to breath deeply and be in the moment not worrying about all the stuff in your head? Are you doing what you love or are you sacrificing yourself to be what someone else molded you into?